Monday, July 12, 2010


It's been six months since I have posted on here and I can't say I've been too busy to not post. I have just been too lazy. Sure, I've thought about getting on here and leaving a post, but then something else comes up, usually a book that I am reading and the next thing I know the time has flown. So now that I can't sleep, I thought I would come and leave my thoughts here since they are cluttering my mind.

Tonight as my DH and I were going to bed, we laid down and he started talking about regrets. How it's all he can think about some days. Would we be in a better situation if we would have made different choices? Why do the decisions feel like the wrong ones and now we are stuck?

I am guessing he isn't the only one with these thoughts. I know I have thought them, but what makes it different for me is that I don't see them as "wrong". I see them as this is the path we decided to take and for better or for worse this is what we have and we make due until we go a different way if that's how it goes.
I laid there just thinking about the past and wondering where my path took a different fork than I planned. I couldn't find it, but I am sure if I look hard enough I could figure out where my life took a change. But you know what, I don't want to look that closely. I don't want to worry about the past. The past is the past. I need to learn from the changes I have made and when that next tough decision comes around, I can look at the other decisions I have made and they will hopefully help me figure out which is the next fork in the path to take.

There has been many changes in my life since I graduated high school. Shit, it's been 16 years since I graduated high school. If I hadn't had any change than something wouldn't be right. I know change is hard on many people, my DH included. I guess I have learned to embrace the change in some aspects of my life but in other aspects I have been very stagnant. I just wish that when a decision is made my DH wouldn't look at it as good or bad. I wish he would see it as another direction to go on the highway of life. I leave you with a photo of me thinking at Pooh's Thotful Spot at Disneyland from January 2007. Perfect photo for how I am feeling tonight.


Wanda said...

Hello, Bianca!!! I'm so glad you started blogging again. Wendy and I miss you and can't wait until November. Take care of yourself.

Robin Thomas said...


This is a beautiful post. I love that pillow talk with my husband. So much intimacy...

Thank you for your thoughtful and meaningful comment on my post about losing my mother and the suffering that happens. It helps.